Amazingly, I have had consistent internet connections for the past few days. Let's hope this current trend continues.
This weekend in Baltimore in a community called Hampden was/is what is called HonFest.
HonFest is a celebration of things Bawlamerese. Baltimore has certain unique things about it and if you have ever seen a John Waters movie, then you have had some exposure to those things.....one of which is our way of speaking here. Mind you, Baltimore has seen a huge influx of yuppies from other parts of the country and they ain't what I am talking about here. I am talking about good old fashioned, die-hard, Natty Boh drinkin', Bawlamorons.
So, in honor of the HonFest, I will provide you here an example of some of the words you might hear when in Baltimore and not particularly understand if you are a tourist.
Now......here is a quick "educational" moment of Bawlamerese:
If you get shot here or run over by a car....you might need an "amblance".
At the "hospiddle", they might give you a "bandate".
In the morning, you might drink some "arnjuice".
Throughout the day, you might hear a "far injun" on its way to putting out a "far".
If you like rifles and woods, you might be a "hunner".
Baseball.......it's the "Ehews Hon!".
Some do not live in the city limits, they live "atna cowney".
Like the trains, do ya?....you might find yourself visiting the "Be-en-ow" museum.
Your kids might color with "crowns" (crayons).
You might visit the "Enuck Pratt Lieberry" or take a ride up "Blare Road" (Belair Road).
If you have a car, you must have "cawr inchorens". You have inchorens "duddenyou"? He has inchorens "duddeney"?
The homes all have a "zink" (sink) and a "meer" (mirror) in the "baffroom", and all homes have "winders". Some of them have "chimbleys" (chimneys).
The streets all have "sores" (sewers). and when it rains it cqan be a the storm "shawr" (shower) and the "wooder"(water) sometimes "warshes" "starfoam" (styrofoam) into the "sore".
"Youse" (all of you) might eat a "sanwish"(sandwich) or when you have a headache...take some "azpurn" (aspirin) that you got at a "Sembeleben" (Seven-Eleven).
You might hear about a town to the "sowf" (south) of Bawlamer called "Klumbya" (Columbia) or a neighborhood called "Dundock" (Dundalk).
There are still some people from "Yerp" (Europe) and some of them are Polish "Cafflicks" (Catholics).
Our local "gubmint" (government) is responsible for the "payments" (pavements) that you walk on......and the "pleece" or "poe-lease" (police).
You might "arn" (iron) your clothes.
Your car might need "tars" (tires).
Whether you are in "Norf, Sowf, East, or West Bawlamer", it "duddent" (doesn't) matter, you might hear a "lonmore" (lawn mower).
You will want to be "goan" (going) "downey ocean, hon" to see the waves of the "Alannick Ehowshin)" (Atlantic Ocean).....but be careful of sunburn, so put some "ool" (oil) on.
Scientists perform "spearmints" (experiments) here in "Merlin" (Maryland).
There you have it folks........just a little sample of Bawlamerese.
Oh......and by the way........
On Mundee, Toosdee, Wensdee, Thursdee, or even Frydee, Satdee, or Sundee..........any day is better as long as you have some of the following:
'Til next "tymb", hon!
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