TSA Must Mean Something

So there I was............at the Baltimore-Washington Thurgood Marshall Dixon Rawlings Blake O'Malley Schaefer Mfume International Airport............waiting for a plane to show up. Lately, I have noticed that when I arrive at my assigned gate for departure, my plane is never sitting there waiting for me...............still in the air somewhere. The jet engines hardly get a chance to cool down in between flights...............I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing..........oh well.............there are enough obvious bad things to deal with at the airport these days.............and this day came full tilt right off the bat before we ever got to the departure gate. Aside from having to wait for your plane at the gate.......hmmm.....the waiting process might just be a cooling off period for pending passengers.............everyone is subjected to the scrutiny of the TSA. It is miraculous that people are able to hold back their anger at some of the bogus things that we are subjected to as a result of a few towel-headed morons having a desire to make history and go hang out with something like 70 alleged virgins with hairy armpits and enough peach fuzz on their faces that Achmed might think he was ripped off by Allah and sent to a gay oasis. Oh well.

As it is............and we just have to live with it.........we have to each go through a security checkpoint operated by the finest idiots in the USA............well.........okay.........."some" of the finest idiots...........it would not be fair of me to categorize idiots as all being "fine". If there is one thing I hate about traveling on a plane, it is the process you go through before you ever get to see a plane. Now don't get me wrong here.......I fully understand and accept the necessity for having a security checkpoint. What I do not understand is the bullshit that comes with such a thing.

You reach the checkpoint and you have to put all of your stuff on trays that you send through an x-ray machine. Take your computers OUT of the computer bags and put in a seperate tray...........what? This does not make any sense to me...............x-rays can't see through computer bags?.....huh?.......since when?..........I ain't buying this crap. Hats off..........remove your shoes and send it through...............okay, okay........I understand the shoe thing......but not the hat thing. After all......I am about to walk through a METAL DETECTOR!.......and I am fond of my cast iron baseball cap. But WAIT!................."Sir, please remove that Baltimore Ravens jacket before you enter the metal detector!" "Put the jacket in a tray and send it through the x-ray machine along with your computer.........but put the jacket in a seperate tray." Everyone knows that a thin Ravens jacket blocks x-rays. If the jacket covered over the laptop computer, the idiot that is carefuly analyzing the monitor on the x-ray machine might not be able to tell that it is a laptop.

Are you getting my point here? Sometimes we step into such a huge pile of bullshit that it takes weeks to remove the stench from your nose.

So I ask the high-tech TSA guy......."My jacket?..........seriously?"......he said "Yes"......so I ask the question that begs being asked "Do you want me to take off my shirt too?". See.......I do not see any difference between a jacket and a long sleeved corduroy shirt. Common sense tells me that if you could hide something in a light jacket.......surely you could hide something in a shirt like mine. Furthermore, it is at this point I am now wondering about the quality of the metal detector that we are to walk through. Shirt fine........shirt AND jacket.......too thick for this equipment, eh? It could have easily gotten ugly at this point.........I was very vocal about my disgust over the ridiculousness..........but I got through the metal detector after succombing to their requests...........but then I hear the TSA person that is analyzing the x-ray machine call out "Whose tray is this?" and I look up and it was MINE! "Hey, that's my tray"..............."Sir, we are gonna have to run this through again".............it wasn't the tray with the shoes........or the one with the laptop computer.........not the one with the wallet, hat and glasses and camera bag................it was the TRAY WITH ONLY A THIN RAVENS JACKET IN IT!!!!!!!! Folks.........it IS the End Of The World.......and this little incident is just another fine example that we are well on our way.

So I had to wait as they ran my jacket through a second time................everything was being held up....slowed down........all for a Ravens jacket..............anyway.......I finally get my jacket back and get my shoes tied and turn around and what do I see? I see Supernurse and Princess Fartknocker standing there at the end of the whole operation, waiting as a TSA moron was going over one of those seriously dangerous items that Princess Fartknocker carries around with her...........

...................a Barbie Doll! The TSA guy was lifting the skirt up on the doll, held it to his hear, stuck it near some sort of analyzing machine................I made a comment out loud to Supernurse....."What is wrong?.....Did you forget to take the shoes off of the Barbie Doll?" Once again, things could have gotten ugly at this point, but I held back after one of those looks that Supernurse gives me when I start getting a bit obnoxious and sarcastic. Can you believe this? Then I thought about it...................and I think I fully understand why an x-ray machine can tell if your power supply pack for your computer is filled with c-4 explosives while at the same time cannot give a clue as to what is going on inside a Barbie doll.

Hmmmmmm....have you figured it out yet?

It's because it is all bullshit. The machines are probably the cheapest pieces of shit that money can buy.......which goes right along with the morons that operate it. Is it a good idea, in the name of national security, to hire the bottom feeders of the food chain? Huh? So what does TSA stand for? The Shit Accumulates?
This Shit Again?
The Slowest Agency?

So what are we left to do............knowing what we know now.........and having gone through what we have gone through..........................hmmmmmm. You have to take things into your own hands.........or eyes. If I have confidence in anything, I have confidence in myself......I trust what I see with my own two eyes. Now it is up to me to be aware of my surroundings.......and I have to sit there or stand there, waiting for the plane to arrive...........and inspect and analyze all of the other passengers that will be getting on my plane. I think I could spot potential Achmeds anywhere.


As it happened.......we were assigned seats in the very last row on the plane. The only things behind me was the restrooms and two small spaces for the stewardesses to sit. I can watch everyone..........and I did. It would have been nice if I could have had some confidence in the TSA, but not on this day.........a nap would be out of the question. I am pissed.

I was heading to an area outside Austin, Texas to see one of my daughters and new grandchild. Not a vacation trip............but a family visit. We would spend some time with those we miss. Not interested in roaming all over the place, sightseeing......stuff like that. The bonus for Princess Fartknocker was that not only did she get to see her Aunt Noodle and new cousin, but also her other grandparents. It is great when things work out that way.

It was also my intention to watch the skies once in Texas because there has recently been alot of reports about UFO's in an area not too far from where my daughter lives. If there was a flying saucer or something unusual.........I have my camera ready to go......................

......................and as I sat there on the plane..........I saw something!



I never saw anything like it before.........I had to take the picture.............damn.........and I was so close to it.........it was amazing..........it was almost scary......................definately something you don't see everyday.....................

............an eclipse!



Stay Tuned! I have some stuff to tell you about Texas.